I was asked the other day – what are the biggest misconceptions about NFP? This was during my first foray onto live radio and I was a little nervous! I could have answered much better and more succinctly if I had been prepared for such a big question! If I had another chance at the mike I would say that the three biggest misconceptions can be found in the very words Natural Family Planning.
The first is a misunderstanding of what the Church means when it uses the word natural. The misconception is that the Church supports NFP because it does not use artificial devices. That meaning of the word is not what is intended in the word natural. We use many manmade things throughout the day and that is perfectly ok. I am wearing glasses right now and they help restore me to the more perfect version of myself, to the way I was intended to be. By natural, what is meant is what is in accord with the nature of man. We are made in the image and likeness of God. The three persons of the Trinity have perfect communion and correspondence between them. They do not hold anything back, they do not deceive each other, and they do not act… and then undo the results of their action. Since a man and women in marriage are meant to image the Trinity, to image Love, to assist each other to the divine, to participate in the creation of the world, the word natural means living in accord with this nature of man…not undoing it.
The misconception that can be signified by the word family is that the Church wants a married couple to have big families, to multiply like rabbits, out of control; the misconception is that a heavy burden is placed on a married couple when the Church says that contraception is not a good for them. However, the Church does not teach this, it teaches that a married couple can practice ‘responsible parenthood’; that while the couple should be open to life and will the good of their unborn, there are also times… given social, financial, psychological and physical conditions… that warrant prayerfully discerning that now is not the right time to conceive another child. This is done considering the responsibilities of the couple to each other, to their existing children or family members, willing their good, even if unfortunately that means recognizing that real current human limitations make it unwise to conceive another child at this time.
Lastly, the word planning does not mean a cold mechanical indifference or coldness to God. Planning does not imply being closed to God. By planning we mean our marital plan is to correspond our lives to God’s will for us, God wants to commune with us, to be involved in our plans, it means submitting ourselves to his will, with the innocence of little children, knowing that God is infinitely wise and wills our infinite joy…while also recognizing that God has created us rationally and for communion with him and he wants us to participate nobly in the unfolding of creation. The planning is noble and pure and draws us closer to God. Our plans unfold after inquiring of God, reflecting on his plan for us, and listening for his inspiration.
These three misconceptions point out areas where NFP is totally unlike contraception. Contraception reduces our imaging of God; it subliminally distances us from God. Whereas natural family planning, properly understood as a means to fully correspond our lives to God’s will for us, supports our movement toward God, in whom we live and move and have our being. Ahh, that I had the ability to say this on live radio!