Raising a holy family – Tip no. 4 – Family Prayer
My mom told me that if you fall asleep during your prayers, your guardian angel will finish them for you, but we didn’t really want to make that our strategy! We also thought that if you have more than one or two kids and you spent some time at each one’s bedside doing nighttime prayers – it could take up the whole evening! So we made a decision to do nighttime prayers together as a family downstairs in the living room before the youngest child went to bed. Of course, this started when there was only one child!
We had age-appropriate expectations for our prayers, so it could be heartfelt talking to God, not a punishment. The toddlers/preschoolers had to stay in the vicinity, basically facing the crucifix on the wall, not necessarily kneeling. I can remember our first jumping up and down during her prayers. As they were able, they were expected to kneel up and not poke each other or distract from the conversation with God.
So, we started with saying the Our Father together and then each night our little girl would say a bible verse like a psalm until she was tired of it and then we would start a new one. Verses like ‘The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord” or “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say rejoice” or “Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His mercy endures forever” were some of the ones she learned – often with gestures or at least arms swinging.
Even though the official age of reason and preparing for the Sacrament of Reconciliation doesn’t happen until around age 7, we realized that a child can understand needing to say they are sorry much younger. Probably by age 4, we added a child-sized examination of conscience. We took one minute to be quiet and think about whether we needed to say sorry about anything. Sometimes that resulted in any one of us saying sorry to each other as well as then we all said sorry to God for anytime we were not loving that day. When our oldest began preparing for confession, we replaced this with the actual Act of Contrition prayer and as the children got older added some questions during the Examination which they would ponder silently.
We know many virtues build on gratefulness so we began to cultivate that early too. After our act of contrition, each person, in age order, says what they are thankful for that day.
When our oldest knew the Our Father well, then we added her leading us in the Hail Mary. By the time our second child was joining in, he wanted to lead a prayer too, so we added the Glory Be. Then our third needed his prayer, so we added the ‘O My Jesus’. With our fourth, she leads the ‘Angel of God’. And so on.
At some point our children learned a prayer for the unborn at school and asked if we could add it to our prayers – of course! Then a few years later, an older child brought home a prayer for world peace and that was added too!
Intercessory prayers happened naturally: we wanted to pray for one sibling’s injury to heal or for a sibling to do well on a test. The children always brought their needs to prayer time and knew we would pray for each other and ask Mary and the saints to join our prayers too.
Once when our oldest child had a friend for dinner and we began the grace after meals – she burst out that she didn’t know it and felt bad she couldn’t join. She wanted a ‘cheat sheet’! Inspired by her request, we made a mealtime cheat sheet and a nighttime cheat sheet, so that any visitors could feel comfortable joining in. We put them in plastic sheet protectors and kept them in a handy spot in the kitchen.
When Grandma and Grandpa visited, we invited them to join prayers too. One of the kids, usually a young one, would race to get the cheat sheet for them, so they would know what to do. And the kids would excitedly prompt them to go first for saying what they were thankful for.
On the babysitter instruction sheet, where the parents list the emergency numbers, rules for TV, snacks, bath time, bedtimes, etc., we included the prompt for nighttime prayers. The kids would get out the cheat sheet and give it to the babysitter. We had many babysitters over the years tell us that made an impression on them. Last year, on one of their wedding thank you notes, I had a former babysitter ask for a copy of the remembered cheat sheet.
In fact, as the older kids had friends or even dates visiting, everyone was pulled into nighttime prayers. Some kids said it was the first time they prayed out loud with others, some that it helped them to realize how much they had to be thankful for.
On a school night, as the older kids had more homework and plenty of studying still ahead after the little ones went to bed, sharing our nighttime prayers together gave them a little break in the studies and a chance to re-focus. When we gave each child a blessing after prayers, it would include for the older ones an encouragement to do their homework well – all for the glory of God.
Our intention for teaching our children prayers, was to encourage their relationship with God – giving Him praise, thanking Him, expressing our contrition, asking for our needs – not just memorization. But woven through all the types of prayer, our children learned the value of memorized prayers. Being able to call on words when sometimes we can’t come up with words for what is in our hearts, is a great advantage when challenges come. We also prayed together at spontaneous moments of need or joy and at triggers that happen regularly, like meals or hearing a siren. When the older children are home for a visit now, they and their spouses join in nighttime prayers.
We are now learning more about praying from our children. When I had to move one of our son’s cars recently, I saw his ‘prayer triggers’ clipped to the visor. I don’t remember the exact wording – I only had a few minutes – but it was something like “Red light: all those in leadership, Caught in traffic: those persecuted for their faith, Entering the highway: those engaged or expecting, etc.” Our older daughter has been taking her children to visit a former neighbor now in a nursing home and saying the Divine Mercy with them. Our younger daughter keeps a list of people she prays for in her iPhone. Another son has a Bible app that sends him reminders. These examples reassure us that our children know they can “Cast your care upon the Lord, who will give you support.”
©2016 Mary Ellen Jakubisin